Friday, February 5, 2010
Some honest shit right here
Most days I hate being a Mom. I didn't used to be this way but, all this fucking time home and all this time with these children is not how I'm built. So I used to miss the toddler when she was gone and I do have mostly good days with her, especially since we potty trained finally this weekend. It was like holy shit there is something with a result like I wanted AND I can cross it off my resolution list. It's amazing how much more I like being around her since she's giving me something back besides shrieking and screaming and tantrums. I know she's 3 and it's normal. I'd rather be a stay at home mom to an infant, it's easier I swear. What is sad is the teenager. He's 14 and I can't. stand. him. I just want him to graduate and move the fuck out already. Or, say all dramatically, I'm living with Dad from now on. BYE!! Let me pack for you. Some of you know from my previous blog that M is an asshole. It's been a fight since he was born for me to like him. Somewhere around 2 or 3 I stopped liking him. I love him and have never stopped fighting for him but, I don't like him. Not only did I have the hurdle of being a mom at a young age but, I got this behavior challenged kid. One who would try the mental capacities of a mid 30 year old. ADHD to the fucking max, with a mouth that never shuts the fuck up or takes accountability for his actions. So many phone calls from the school. Now, I don't even answer half the time. What's the point? He's in the 8th grade, this is never changing ever. And trust me I've tried everything there is to try. Every kind of medication, reward charts, discipline, neurologists, psychiatrists, therapists. EVERYTHING. He is in a special program at school for bad ass kids. Basically, if he tries to run away he can be physically restrained. And they can't call me for every little infraction. Which has been a welcome change the last 3 years. He's only suspended for things that are really bad, fighting and what not. I mean I still can't believe DB introduced his gf to him. I will not. It's too embarrassing to even imagine. Especially after some of the stuff I've heard M has said to the gf. So if any man is ever worried I'm looking for a second father, don't worry. I wouldn't even try to go there. 4.5 years to go and I'm sure it's not gonna get better with the high school years coming up. Hopefully, this will be one of those stories that turns out well. We all know someone that was an absolute black mark on society when they were children that turned out well. Haha my poor mother, I put her through hell and now look at me! At the very least I hope he doesn't knock anyone up too young.
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6 comments:
I'm sure my mom felt the same way about me. Probably why I moved in with my grandmother at 16. Our relationship got much better after I wasn't in the house any more.
My mom used to get into fist fights with my Twin at that age. Literally. I remember watching them roll around on the ground trying to kill each other when I was about 15. Nothing helped him either. He got kicked out, he came back after mom found out he was living with drug dealers or in his car, he got kicked out again... Vicious cycle. Things didn't change until HE was ready for them to change. When we were 22, he joined the Army and became a medic. They get along pretty well now, but he'll never be allowed to move back in with her when he finally gets out.
Now, my younger brother 15 is doing the same shit. Well, almost. He's not doing drugs or drinking, but he's giving attitude and is impossible to live with. He's been sent to The Bad School for fighting twice and is now begging to be home schooled because he thinks life at school is soooo terrible (apparently, his teachers hate him - whatever). He's taken a few swings at my mom before but because she's so sick (chronically ill), he has to deal with me & the Twin. If he even looks like he's threatening her again, he's getting his ass beaten until he's black & blue and possibly needs medical attention (you don't hurt my mother. Ever).
Sometimes kids are assholes and it's difficult to even pretend to like them. Obviously you'll always love them - they're your babies no matter what they do. You don't have to like them in order to love them. You don't always Have to like the people you love (which sounds weird).
As for the 3 year old? Sometimes you need a break, and being a SaHM doesn't give you many opportunities to do that. And honestly? I don't think everyone is cut out to be a SaHM. I sure as shit am NOT. I love Monkey more than life itself, but she drives me up a fucking wall. I have her in daycare at least 3 days a week - mostly for her education (it's a pre-k program) but Aldo because I'd end up killing myself if I had her all the time (I'll deny that til the day I die if she ever asks).
Holy crow! I'm long-winded. My whole point was that it's normal to have issues with your kids. Keep trying your best & telling/showing them you love them but you won't take shit from them. Hopefully it'll sink in eventually. Kids are pretty damned hard-headed. *big hugs*
toddlers give me anxiety.
this post makes me sad.
i don't have any kids and thus no assvice to share.
That's my biggest fear; that my son will get some girl pregnant. Heaven help him if he does. Great post. You need a vacation.
I'm clearly not sahm material, and swear to god if my kids are like me when they're teens i'll ship them to my mom.
I feel a lot of guilt for the fact that (even though I love both of my kids) I have not a lot in common with my youngest. Not music, not books, not sports (I hate em). I wish I could find something for us to do together because I feel like she'll get further away from me if I don't.
And? I hate her friends. <---That is not going to end well.
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